Lose Weight and PWN People
Tim wrote this post a while ago, I thought it was freaken hilarious as it made me laugh. But, the site it was on removed it. So, we decided to put it here as a guest post. This guest post is by Tim, marketer for CableDeals.org. He can be found on Twitter @TimLCooley.
Too many of console gaming systems have fitness program “games.” As gamers we know fitness is important and that is why we jump everywhere we go. The more elite people even throw a 360 into that jump just to show their athleticism. However sometimes after that epic boss fight the heart starts aching, not because the loot item you wanted got DKPed to some newb, but because the ticker ain’t quite ticking like it should. We all know real exercise is out of the question, so here are five acceptable ways to lose weight without affecting your game play.
Push-ups
Woah, woah not those things you do on the ground, heaven for bid. Push up the desk so that you can fit under it better. You will get a better look at your 33 inch monitor and you will have a more ergonomical use of the mouse and key board. You won’t burn a lot of calories here, but you will gain more posture points to be spent later when your back goes out on you.
Get in more intense gaming fights.
Ever been in one of those crazy raids that goes until 5 am and the last time you moved out of your chair was when you dropped your mouse on the floor? Yeah keep doing that. The more intense the fight the more engaged you will be and the more weight you will lose. Keep up those late night raids that are awesome for the hour glass figure!!
Put an arm weight on while you move your mouse around
Get rid of that rolly ball thing and start pumping some Mouse!! Yup just put the arm weight on and watch those pounds wash off. If this is getting too difficult and you start seeing your deaths increasing, put the weight on the other arm. That has to help, at least a little bit.
Only eat virtual food
Virtual food is healthy. There are much less carbohydrates, proteins and fats in all of those foods combined than anything in your fridge. There are no hydrogenated fatty oils either. No clean-up required is also a HUGE plus. Also you have a buffet at your disposal. Drop rates of meat can be slow, especially when you are killing condors, but the payoff will be amazing. A 24 hour strength boost is WAY better than any 5 hour energy.
Head bang
Too many times we have had FPS issues, some stupid troll in the forums or some smurfed out newb spam killing us. The best option during these horrific events is to bang your head on the keyboard. Once you have committed to this action do it with a purpose. Keep those core muscles engaged. Try keeping track of how many head bangs you get in a day. Then try to beat your record on a weekly basis or go for a time. Either way you will be burning a ton of calories. In no time you will get the warrior body you have always wanted.
I hope these exercise ideas get you motivated to continue to game while losing weight. Good luck with your gaming and fitness strategy. And I hope you earn the leet lootz you want and get the body you have always desired.
Note: These exercises are intended for the elite gamer. If this is you then consult your physician prior to attempting this weight loss routine. Results from this workout are not typical. Any harm caused by this workout is the sole responsibility of the guild master and should be taken seriously. If after two days you don’t lose 10 pounds follow-up with something else.
I would love to hear of any other ideas people have for losing weight while maintaining a killer ranking in PVP.
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